days to go
PORTRAIT OF PROFLIGACY
GALLERY OF GLUTTONY
You asked. We delivered.
After two long years of waiting, hoping, and being disappointed, we have deemed the current state of Brony documentary coverage to be lackluster at best, simply for the sad fact that they all seem to wholly forego mention of the most important subject, the be-all, end-all, ultimate representation of Brony fanaticism at its virulent peak, the one defining aspect of Bronyism that sets it apart from all other cultures: clop.
That changes today.
They call themselves Bronies.
Few noticed their sudden and unexpected arrival in March of 2011. But every evening, in the darkest, deepest corners of the Internet, twisted young men would convene to celebrate their perverse reverence of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, a children's cartoon filled with enigmatic messages of "Love and Tolerance".
As the months passed and the seasons aired, the enigmatic Bronies consolidated their strength, integrating themselves into communities across the Internet with the hopes of assimilating others to their deviant cause. With each passing month they grew in power, unchecked by the natural powers of the world, a festering, bulbuous anomaly that spread at an alarming rate.
By the time we knew... it was too late.
Now, they're everywhere. Each day they convene in plain sight by means of mischevious meetups and execrable expositions. They play host to all sorts of extravagant, wasteful displays of boundless vice, including panels, concerts, raves, and even charities. They circulate corruption and chaos by convening at congregations covertly camouflauged as conventions.
Yet these are naught but shadows of their greatest sins, as they are guilty of one of the most heinous of crimes, party to one of the most perverse and wicked acts of depravity known to mankind:
A festering community of debauchery has sunk far below the degeneracy of your common profligate Brony, seeking to engorge itself upon even baser physical perversions than its corrupt contemporaries. They do so through the creation of a new and frightening vice:
CARTOON HORSE PORN. Oh the equinity.
Anyone could be a clopper. Your boss. Your friend. Your wife. Perhaps even your dog. But it matters not. Their depravities must be exposed to the world. And you can help. You can help shine a light on this darkness. You can become the vanguard of justice. You can spread the word of My Little Porny.
Find out what goes on... Behind the Barn.
Pledge your money. Pledge it all. For in your heart of hearts, you know that there truly is no greater a cause than one that aims to sweepingly generalize an entire subculture based on the inevitable presence of a supposedly "sinful" minority that can also be found in virtually every other fandom in existence.
Your monetary sacrifice to this cause will be duly rewarded.
DIGITAL DEBAUCHERY ($1 or more)
Name your price and gain access to an anonymous digital copy of the entire film.
OFFENSIVELY OPTICAL ($10 or more)
Receive a DVD copy of the film, shipped discreetly to your door.
PORTRAIT OF PROFLIGACY ($100 or more)
An artist will draw your OC in any pose you choose. You monster.
PROFANELY PLUSH ($1,000 or more)
Receive an accurate, hand-sewn replica of the infamous Lyra plushie, complete with rear hole that allows its use as a shoe, horn-cozy, oven mitt, and even hand puppet.
FLAGITIOUS FILMOGRAPHY ($10,000 or more)
Receive a custom 5-minute animation. What kind of animation? Dear contributor, that's for you to decide, not us.
GALLERY OF GLUTTONY ($100,000 or more)
A data-center's worth of digital storage will be shipped to your home, containing every piece of clop art ever drawn by Brony hands. All 500 petabytes of it. Yes, there is that much.
VIRTUAL VITIATION ($2,000,000,000 or more)
We will buy Oculus VR back from Facebook and re-engineer its technology for the sole purpose of recreating an accurate virtual reality simulation of Equestria entirely for your pleasure.
(This idea is completely and wholly 100% original. Because ponies.)